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Week 9 I Survived…



Yes I Survived! It was not easy and it is done. this was a week of old mental habits battling new thought patterns.

Not comfortable at all and I don’t know that growth should always be comfortable. I don’t hold to the old saw “No pain no gain” because I have gained in times of joy as well as times of sorrow. And I get that pain can be a touch point for growth. This week I fell into old patterns of thought and rather than Think God as I am want to say, I fell into ruminating (an old habit) and while this pattern did break quicker than days of old it was not comfortable. It could be the thought of “Billy you should be above all this or So and So is not having these troubles come up” Do you ever think that way or is it just me. I should be farther along or compare myself to someone else, as if I really know what they are thinking or feeling:)

No I must say this adventure down the rabbit hole was not nearly as long as previous trips and it was no fun. I think the worse part of this type of trip for me is being aware. Wouldn’t it be great to go into the dark places and not notice you’re there? Or would it? On this adventure I was there most of the time observing the process, watching the addiction play out. I say Thank God for that awareness, Thank God I saw me this week. I’m certain it shortened the trip. It may have enhanced the pain, really feeling not ignoring, and all in all I would rather see me in hopes of transformation than be unconscious to what I’m doing with no hope of change.

The great thing is it’s a new week, a new opportunity for growth comfortable or not. The chance to move another step closer to the person I AM not the person I’ve lied myself into believing I am, the chance to change to transform, to clear away the mud of illusion.

Peace & Blessings

Billy M



  1. Love your post Billy. Thanks for sharing your honesty and challenges, as we all go through them and not always willing to admit it. ” Today is your day to let go of things that no longer serve you”…..I love it!


  2. Hey Billy i had a similar week re old blueprint. you’re doing a great job, it will get easier i am sure


  3. samuelkawa61 says:

    Thank you for sharing Billy. At least I know that I am not the only one that goes into the rabbit hole. The journey continues and the lights are all green.


  4. You survived congrats. The realisation as our old blueprint creeps in is us growing on our journey. Loved your share.


  5. yes it is a struggle in our minds and can be painful to be aware as you share! Greta insights, and small steps forward will yield incredible rewards.


  6. aknovo01 says:

    Great post Billy! And you’re not alone!! But I’m so proud that you took matters in to your own hands, and in my book thanking God for awareness is included in that! Thanks for this


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