Yes I Survived! It was not easy and it is done. this was a week of old mental habits battling new thought patterns.
Not comfortable at all and I don’t know that growth should always be comfortable. I don’t hold to the old saw “No pain no gain” because I have gained in times of joy as well as times of sorrow. And I get that pain can be a touch point for growth. This week I fell into old patterns of thought and rather than Think God as I am want to say, I fell into ruminating (an old habit) and while this pattern did break quicker than days of old it was not comfortable. It could be the thought of “Billy you should be above all this or So and So is not having these troubles come up” Do you ever think that way or is it just me. I should be farther along or compare myself to someone else, as if I really know what they are thinking or feeling:)
No I must say this adventure down the rabbit hole was not nearly as long as previous trips and it was no fun. I think the worse part of this type of trip for me is being aware. Wouldn’t it be great to go into the dark places and not notice you’re there? Or would it? On this adventure I was there most of the time observing the process, watching the addiction play out. I say Thank God for that awareness, Thank God I saw me this week. I’m certain it shortened the trip. It may have enhanced the pain, really feeling not ignoring, and all in all I would rather see me in hopes of transformation than be unconscious to what I’m doing with no hope of change.
The great thing is it’s a new week, a new opportunity for growth comfortable or not. The chance to move another step closer to the person I AM not the person I’ve lied myself into believing I am, the chance to change to transform, to clear away the mud of illusion.
Peace & Blessings